Match-making in a perfect world

SWM seeks SWF. Must love velvet.

If I were going to build the perfect match-making website, I wouldn’t bother with 29 dimensions of compatibility. I’d use one dimension: Irritability/Irritating.  Through an in-depth scientific sounding questionnaire that takes at least two hours to complete, I would determine how irritating you are and how irritable you are. The questions would focus on irritating things like loud potato chip eating and being late, as well as signs of irritability like, finger tapping frequency and stink-eye intensity.

Obviously you can’t put an irritating person with an irritable one.  Those matches are doomed from the start and will not be allowed to happen.  So then you have the irritable/irritable matches.  These are okay, they just have to stay at home a lot because the other people, places and things are so irritating.  Irritating/irritating also works, but they don’t have a lot of friends, for obvious reasons.  Would a chart help?

Irritable Irritating
Irritable Homebodies Doomed
Irritating Doomed No friends

Now, according to this chart, 50% of relationships are clearly doomed. If you don’t believe me, check the latest divorce figures.

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